Second Semester….A Rant…..

Hi, I’m back and ready to share my experience of my Masters, so far….I apologise in advance for the emotional rant. I’m going through a lot at the moment.

Well, I’m sat in stats class thinking about everything but stats. I’ve had a rocky few weeks and lately everything seems to be becoming overwhelming. I’m struggling with my exams (apparently, I’m not doing as well as I thought in certain areas) and I’m struggling to be motivated after a family incident which has affected me more than I thought. 

It’s unfortunate because I was enjoying the course at first. However, with the lack of communication from tutors who are supposed to be there to help me I’ve found it quite isolating, and as though no one really cares. Like I’m a number. 

Despite this I still want to do well, and I refuse to not finish this with at least a pass. I haven’t gone through all this struggle to come out of it with nought. I am hoping my dissertation will improve my overall grade so that I can finish with some pride, some dignity. 

I’ve found I don’t concentrate well in modules that don’t interest me. Right this second, I am in a statistics class and I should be listening and writing notes, instead I am writing a blog post. Numbers are my enemy. I am better with words, not numbers. As well as all this stress I am facing, I am struggling with what to do after my Masters. Whether I pass or not. With my autism being more of an issue than I originally thought, I am worried that I am not capable of working at anything. Every job I have ever had has either sent me crazy into a pit of depression or bored the living daylights out of me and upset my senses and wellbeing. Choosing a path will be hard and I’m not sure I am able to do anything right now. My failures are piling up and I’m hating that I haven’t progressed in these classes even though I have tried my best! I have done everything that has been asked of me, but to no avail and it’s beginning to damage my confidence. 

I guess I will continue to try my best, and hope I can get through it without losing my mind in the process….  

Published by autisttgirl

Autistic PhD student and Feminist

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