About Me…

One in one hundred people, in the UK, are autistic. Within those numbers there are a few individuals who are also part of the LGBT community, like me. Although the LGBT community is being more openly discussed and accepted over time, what is it like being an autistic who also lives with the anxiety of being gay, bisexual, or the term I prefer: queer (as it seems to cover just about everything). I didn’t receive my ASD diagnosis until I was 28, and all through my teenage years I was confused about who I was, what I wanted in life and where I was going. I was severely bullied throughout secondary school, so I kept my sexuality to myself. I was already struggling to make friends, and keep them, to focus on my work due to the disruption of chairs being thrown at teachers (the school I went to is not recommended), and pretty much just being me in particular. Back then I didn’t really know myself all that well, nor what I wanted.
I had one friend, I can’t necessarily say she was a good friend, she dumped me when she got a boyfriend and called me in tears when he broke up with her. It was a vicious circle which had us at each other’s throats more than once. I was frustrated with how she was treating me. A best friend shouldn’t drop you, and disappear, just because a new boy comes along. And there were many that came along throughout our time at school. Looking back, I suppose the reason I was so angry was plain old jealousy. She was pretty and I had a crush on her. Which now makes a lot of sense, especially to my poor mum who played referee often. I simply just didn’t want to say anything to anyone about how I felt because I was being bullied enough already without my sexuality getting in the way as well.
I came out to my parents a couple of years ago (finally!) and it was the most liberating and biggest relief of my life. I finally had told them I was bisexual and soon enough everyone knew. But it did come as a shock for my then boyfriend who had seen me as straight for the last five years. I finally felt comfortable to come out of the ‘closet’. However, my relationship wasn’t the same. My ex-boyfriend would lecture me on looking, or commenting, on women I saw on TV and in the street. Telling me that he was the man and I had to keep quiet because it was ‘weird’ or ‘just wrong’. I think at this time I realised our relationship was on a downward slope, and eventually, due to unforeseen circumstances which had nothing to do with my sexuality but with him being a very unkind person, I left him and moved back in with my parents. He wasn’t the person I thought he was, even after two years of him knowing about my sexuality. He didn’t love me for me, and no one should be somewhere they feel unhappy and unaccepted.
Nowadays I’m happy! I’m single, starting a Master’s in Psychology in September 2019 and have a future which I’m hoping will work out. I love my sexuality, I love my family and I love my dogs! (who doesn’t love dogs!) I’ve even come out now as Queer rather than Bisexual because I am more attracted to women than men, and me being someone who isn’t a fan of labels, and have no idea what I would call that, I decided Queer suits me pretty well because sexuality is fluid and labels (you don’t have to have one by the way), are just a way for you to identify yourself to others in the community.
Once my Master’s is complete, I plan on continuing onto a PhD to obtain a doctorate so I can work in research for autism in women and sexuality. Also, if I can, build my own therapy practice to help those like me.
I believe more awareness, understanding and education in these issues is needed so society may start accepting those who are different, and see them as a community of hardworking, beautiful individuals who are just as human as anyone else.
In this blog I will be sharing information, my thoughts and feelings on issues I find and research. I will also add findings throughout my studies which I hope will be useful to you, beautiful reader! Welcome to my blog!

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Published by autisttgirl

Autistic, British and very Queer

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